The Victorian House That Taught Me About Belonging

Hello Dear Community,

I, Shannon,  grew up in a four story Victorian home in Marin County, just outside of San Francisco. But it wasn’t just my parents and siblings living there.

My parents rented out different floors and rooms of the house, which meant our home was constantly filled with people who were passing through a transition in their lives.

At any given time there might be a nun living upstairs, a gay ballet dancer rehearsing in the living room, an airline stewardess working night routes, a photographer developing film in the basement, or a chef experimenting with recipes in our kitchen. The house often smelled like incense, coffee, and whatever someone happened to be cooking that night.

To an outsider it might have looked like a strange little commune.

But in reality it functioned more like a boarding home for individuals who needed a place to land while life was shifting.

Over the years our home welcomed an extraordinary mix of people.

• Nuns.

• Gay ballet dancers.

• Airline stewardesses.

• Chefs.

• Photographers.

• Artists.

• People from many different cultural, spiritual, and political backgrounds.

As a child I was exposed to many ways of seeing the world. Conversations about health, spirituality, relationships, and identity were happening constantly around our dinner table.

And interestingly, I always felt a strong sense of belonging within those group environments.

Moving through communities and groups came naturally to me.

Where I began to notice challenges later in life was in my closer relationships.

The more intimate the connection became, the more certain patterns would appear.

Patterns around feeling like I had to hold everything together.

Patterns around doing things on my own.

Patterns around controlling my environment in order to feel safe, loved, or accepted.

If you’ve ever noticed yourself repeating certain patterns in relationships, feeling responsible for everyone around you, or sensing that parts of your life seem to move in cycles no matter how much awareness work you’ve done, you are not alone.

Many of us learned subtle strategies for belonging long before we had the language to understand them, myself included. 

Belonging is older than psychology

When I think about belonging, I am reminded that long before modern life, belonging was about survival.

For most of human history we lived in small tribes and communities where connection was not simply emotional, it was essential for survival.

To be part of the group meant protection, shared resources, and safety in the wild.

To be excluded from the tribe could mean real danger.

Because of this, the human nervous system became incredibly intelligent at developing strategies that maintained belonging.

Different people within a tribe naturally played different roles.

Some protected the group.
Some nurtured and cared for others.
Some brought creativity and energy.
Some solved problems or maintained structure.

Over time these strategies became archetypal patterns of belonging.

They helped us survive.

But the world has changed dramatically.

Today many of us live in environments our nervous systems were never originally designed for.

We interact through technology.
We move, travel and explore frequently between communities and cultures.
Many people experience increasing loneliness despite constant digital connection and or locational access.

And as adults, forming new friendships and relationships can sometimes feel surprisingly awkward when we are unaware of the patterns quietly shaping our desire to belong.

As the world changes, some of these belonging patterns can become stronger or more exaggerated in new ways.

Strategies that once helped us belong may still appear in modern life, sometimes supporting us, and sometimes quietly shaping our choices without us realizing it.

This realization is what inspired me to create The Belonging Blueprint.

This spring, we are opening the very first Cohort of the Belonging Blueprint: 

For years inside The Green Door Life, we have explored pieces of this work through conversations around mindset, emotional awareness, relationships, and self-leadership within our community.

But this will be the first time we bring the full framework together in a focused four week exploration dedicated entirely to the patterns of belonging that shape how we move through our lives.

Curious what your Belonging Archetype might be? 

Take our Belonging Archetype quiz to discover your primary archetype 

The quiet places these patterns show up

One of the most fascinating parts of belonging work is noticing how these patterns influence everyday life.

Often they operate quietly in the background, shaping our expectations and decisions.

Sometimes they show up in how we relate to our own value.

People may carry an internal sense of what they believe they are allowed to earn, ask for, or receive. This can influence the salary they negotiate, the opportunities they pursue, or how comfortable they feel being visible in their work.

Often this has little to do with capability.

It reflects the nervous system’s learned sense of what level of success still feels safe to belong within.

Other times these patterns appear in our relationships.

Many people notice that they experience similar relational dynamics again and again. The individuals may change, yet the emotional pattern feels strangely familiar.

Cycles of closeness and distance.
Feeling responsible for holding the relationship together.
Moving between deep connection and total withdrawal.

For some people, belonging patterns appear in how they relate to hope and imagination.

The mind may create beautiful visions about relationships or future opportunities.

But when reality unfolds differently, the emotional impact can feel devastating.

Sometimes fantasy developed earlier in life as a way to protect the heart when reality felt too overwhelming.

Another place these patterns often appear is in how we care for our bodies.

Inside The Green Door Life, we have guided thousands of women through our Awaken Your Nutrition programs where we teach the science of nutrition, metabolism, and strength training for sustainable body composition change.

What we have consistently seen is that information alone is rarely the full answer.

Many women already understand nutrition and exercise.

Yet some still experience cycles of weight loss and weight gain or feel like they keep reaching an invisible ceiling.

Over time we began noticing something important.

The science of nutrition and movement is only one piece of the puzzle.

The other piece is the psychology of belonging, self care, self worth and safety within the nervous system.

For some individuals, their current physical shape may unconsciously represent safety.

For others, caring deeply for themselves may conflict with earlier roles where belonging meant prioritizing everyone else first.

When we begin to see these dynamics clearly, self-care becomes less about discipline and more about self-respect and internal safety.

Life transitions often reveal belonging patterns

Another place these patterns become especially visible is during major life transitions.

Inside The Green Door Life, we have walked alongside many individuals through powerful chapters of life.

• Loss of loved ones.

• Divorce and relationship transitions.

• Births, fertility journeys, and IVF

• Alcoholism within families.

• Career shifts and business pivots.

• Moving to new cities or countries.

• Changes in phases of life

Moments like these naturally ask the nervous system a powerful question.

Where do I belong now?

These transitions can feel disorienting.

Yet they also create opportunities to observe our patterns and move through life with greater awareness and choice.

A simple reflection

As you read this, you might pause and notice where some of these patterns appear in your own life.

• Do you ever feel responsible for holding everything together?

• Are there environments where you feel fully yourself and others where you shrink?

• Have you experienced similar relational dynamics repeating across different relationships?

• Is there a quiet sense that you may be capable of more, yet something inside hesitates when it is time to step forward?

None of these experiences mean something is wrong.

Often they reflect the intelligent ways our nervous systems learned to maintain belonging earlier in life.

Awareness is the first step toward choice.

The Belonging Blueprint

The foundation of the Belonging Blueprint is a four week guided exploration inside The Green Door Life.

Each week opens into a new relationship with ourselves and others:

Week 0 – Orientation and Archetype Discovery
Participants take the Belonging Archetype Quiz and begin observing the strategies their nervous system developed to maintain connection.

Week 1 – Relationship with Self
Exploring the internal roles and identity patterns that shape how we relate to ourselves.

Week 2 – Relationship with Environment
Understanding how different environments influence our nervous system and sense of belonging.

Week 3 – Relationship with Another
Exploring relational archetypes in partnerships, friendships, families, and professional dynamics.

We also explore what happens when a third person enters the relational field. When two people interact there can be tension or charge, but when a third perspective is introduced, a circuit forms that can soften dynamics and bring new awareness.

Week 4 – Integration and Empowered Choice
Participants begin consciously designing the environments, relationships, and communities that support who they are becoming.

Together we explore how belonging shows up across several layers of life.

Coming Home To Belonging

Sometimes I still think about that Victorian house in Marin.

-> People moving in and out.

-> Different beliefs.

-> Different personalities.

-> Different ways of seeing the world.

All sharing the same space for a chapter of their lives.

As a child I didn’t have the language for it.

But something about that house taught me a quiet lesson.

Belonging was never about everyone being the same.

It was about learning how to remain connected to yourself and your desires while moving through many different worlds.

Over time I have come to see that belonging is not something we find once and hold forever.

It is something we continually create, with each new version of us.

We create it within ourselves.

With the environments we step into.

With the relationships we cultivate.

And with the communities we choose to grow within.

In many ways, The Green Door Life has become a modern version of that house.

• A place where people arrive during moments of transition.

• A place where different perspectives and life stories come together.

• A place where we can explore who we are becoming while still feeling supported and connected.

The Belonging Blueprint is simply an invitation to explore the patterns that shaped your sense of connection and begin consciously designing the way you want to belong and live from awareness, desire, choice and freedom moving forward.

Belonging was never meant to be something we figure out alone.

It is something we experience together.
This is the power of this container. 

What Participants Often Discover

As people move through this exploration, a few insights tend to emerge again and again.

• They begin to recognize the quiet patterns that have been shaping their relationships, environments, and decisions for years.

• They start to see that many of their responses were never personal flaws, but intelligent ways their nervous system learned to protect belonging.

• And perhaps most importantly, they discover that awareness opens the door to something powerful...The ability to choose how they want to show up in the next chapter of their lives.

If you found yourself seeing pieces of your own story throughout this letter, you are not alone.

This is the kind of exploration we will move through together in the Belonging Blueprint.
 

Registration for The Belonging Blueprint is open now.

[Register here to join the Founders Cohort] and save $333

Includes:

• Live weekly group coaching calls with Shannon and guest facilitators

• Onboarding week to discover your Belonging Archetype and orient to the framework

• Weekly exploration of belonging through self, environment, relationships, and community

• Somatic awareness and guided emotional release practices with Shannon

• Reflective journaling prompts and archetype exploration tools

• The Belonging Archetype Quiz and insights into your dominant patterns

• Guest conversations and additional calls throughout the container 

• Supportive community space inside Circle to share reflections and experiences

• Call recordings available within 24–48 hours so you can revisit the conversations

Registration closes March 30 

Program begins April 6 

Join now to save $333 off the founding cohort price.

P.S. One of the things I love most about this work is witnessing the moment when someone realizes that the patterns they’ve carried for years were never flaws, they were simply strategies their nervous system created to belong and they don't have to continue. 

When that realization happens, something softens. And from that place, new choices become possible.

If this exploration feels aligned for you, we would love to welcome you into the first Belonging Blueprint cohort.

I can't wait to be on this journey into belonging with you, 

🤍Shannon